When working with clients around their personal and career development, the question ‘who can help you?’ is always a feature, often personified via Mentor relationships. But how do you formalise existing relationships, or start brand new ones? How do you get exactly what you need at the right time and not get stuck in a never ending cycle of stagnant meetings?
Here I’ve brought together a set of tips to help you start and maintain fantastic career Mentor relationships:
- Consider what success looks like. Before you even start thinking about the ‘who’, consider what you need a mentor for. What do you want to be able to do differently, know, or feel? I recommend you take 15 minutes to jot this down somewhere and keep revisiting it until you’re 100% sure. Maybe you will find out that you’re looking for 2 completely different things, and therefore you need to find two Mentors. Remember that it’s quite unlikely that a single Mentor can give you everything you need.
- Think about who you know already. Once you know what your goals and success looks like, start to think about who you know in your network already. I encourage my clients to consider who they look at and think ‘I’d like to be like you’. You must also like this person as a human being (!), which is sometimes a point that people miss as they think they simply need to pick the person that they perceive to be ‘the best’. Equally don’t just pick the most senior person you know as in reality these people, whilst they have positive intent, simply can’t afford the time you need. A good way to look at this is to sketch out a network map – in your career journal maybe or wherever you tend to keep your personal development notes. View this as a work in progress – you may need to come back to it a few times over the course of a day or two.
- Don’t pick your Line Manager! Your Line Manager is already close to the work you do, and let’s face it, there are sometimes things you may not want to discuss from a career perspective with him or her. So try to select a Mentor who is further away from you – after all, Mentorships are often all about providing different perspectives and outlooks on situations.
- Do extend your network. Often clients simply can’t think of someone who inspires them immediately, and that’s not a bad thing at all, in fact I see it as an opportunity to extend their network and broaden their reputation. If this happens to you, think about who you know that could connect you to someone that perhaps you don’t know already. All you need to do here is think about the ‘sort’ of person you’re looking for (e.g. ‘someone who motivates their team effortlessly’) so you can clearly articulate this (and your goals) to the person you approach. This way, they can easily consider who they know and be confident that they’re connecting you to the right person. Side note: This way of finding a Mentor usually works really well as the person doing the introducing will consider if you’ll be likely to ‘get on’ – which means the ‘chemistry check’ as we call it is already 90% complete.
- Be prepared to put in the effort. For me it’s clear, you’re looking for a Mentor so you need to be the one to ‘own’ the relationship. That means you must be the one who sets the meetings, spends time thinking about an agenda for each session, and in some cases you should also be the one buying the coffee. Whatever you do, don’t let yourself down by not being prepared or letting the relationship ‘slide’ – this will not only stunt any career support you need but perhaps even more dangerously it can damage your reputation too. So in serious terms, if you truly don’t have the time to commit to a Mentor relationship, then perhaps don’t start one now. As a Career Coach, I believe everyone should have 2 or even 3 Mentors, but there is the reality that if you’re in a busy period at work or home and don’t think you’ll be able to do it justice, then perhaps waiting a few weeks before you start would be a good idea.
- Don’t forget to contract with your Mentor. People can often be really excited to get going with their Mentors, and can forget the most crucial part which is what we call the ‘contracting’ phase. Sometimes clients report this as being skipped as it feels ‘awkward’ – but please don’t do this! It’s really simple and can be covered in the first 5 minutes of your first meeting – I promise it won’t feel strange even if you’ve got a good relationship with this person already. It serves to set the tone which is only a good thing. All you need to cover is this:
- Confidentiality. Often Mentors can be connected to the work you do and your stakeholders (etc), so you want to be sure that everything you discuss stays in the room. There are sometimes occasions when you may give permission for your Mentor to discuss you (perhaps they’re attending a Talent Calibration meeting and you would are happy for them to share their view of you in that room), and this is ok too. Just be clear from the start.
- Frequency of meetings. Mentor relationships don’t last forever (in a formal sense anyway)! So always start by agreeing the frequency of your meetings, perhaps suggest you meet 3 times before evaluating your progress and agreeing another block. This is useful for you as you may simply get what you need from your Mentor in this time, but also gives both of you the opportunity to close the relationship if it’s not working for one reason or another.
- Logistics. As mentioned above, you should drive the logistics by setting up the appointments and booking rooms etc. Always aim to have your next meeting the diary to provide some consistency.
- Meeting Agenda / Desired Outcome. Agree that you will share a short ‘agenda’ the day before your scheduled meeting. It goes without saying that you should set yourself a reminder to do this!
- Feedback. Agree that you will be open to receiving and giving feedback, both about the Mentoring relationship itself but also about any of the topics you may be discussing.
- Be clear on meeting outcomes. Connected to the above, a great way to get the best from your Mentor is to spend time considering what you want from each session and sharing that the day before via email (or as agreed). This means you will be clear on how to spend the time, but also your Mentor can prepare too. The worst thing that happens is that you both commit the time, but then end up talking about the weather (which happens a lot)! Tip: Don’t send an agenda that says something like ‘Communication style with my team’, but instead say that by the end of the meeting you ‘would like to have a range of hints and tips for communicating with the different personalities in my team’. Consider the outcome or what you want to walk away equipped with. This will help you get really practical and gather ideas you can put into practice immediately.
- Review progress. After each session, make sure you reflect on how the meeting went, did you get what you need, and what you think you want to discuss next time. Committing some time to reflect and set some actions will help you with the ‘so what’ from your session – and will support you with clear iterative personal / career development. You will also be able to easily and quickly see if your Mentoring relationship needs have been met, and therefore if you need to move onto another topic/focus, or perhaps close the relationship down entirely. A good practical way to do this reflection is to reserve 30 minutes after the Mentoring meeting to jot down your thoughts – try not to sleep on it if you can! You could structure your reflection note as ‘What went well’ and ‘Possible Improvements’, or if you prefer more of what I call a ‘wild writing’ approach to reflection, then maybe simply writing ‘So What?’ at the top of your reflection page will help you focus your thoughts and set some actions.
Summary: Mentors are critical to success, and everyone should have at least one in their lives. However, without prior thought, a clear structure and a 2-way dialogue, these relationships may not have the desired impact, success or outcomes. At worst, a poorly managed Mentor relationship can negatively impact your reputation. Take some time to consider exactly what you need from a Mentor, then select appropriately. Set yourselves up for success with a quality contracting discussion, and most importantly, take the time to reflect on what you have learnt, actioned and got from the Mentoring relationship itself.